The Old Year: In Retrospect
2011, was a bitter year full of resentment, goodbyes, and burnt bridges. People who I thought of as giants, pillars of strength and support I could depend on for a lifetime, crumbled in the wind. A freak accident took the life of a dear family friend, a younger brother by everything but blood in my eyes. He was barely 19 years old.
The honest lied, the kind were cruel, and the brave were weak hearted. I burnt more bridges than all others combined. Family members I thought of as mentors spread lies and gossip to snatch my inheritance and won. Lifelong bonds of friendship evaporated in thin air with a mumble and a shrug. I walked home alone this year.
All of my castles in the sky came tumbling down. Standing in the wake of their ruins I tell myself that the dispersal of illusions is just part of growing up. But there is this fear. The fear that all these vanquished dreams stem from an inherent character flaw that I refuse to give up. That I somehow deserve all of this pain because I refuse to deal with life on its own terms. I blinded myself to the dirt because I wanted to believe in a world where everything works out. Instead I just became a sucker and a doormat.
2011- I do not think any year has felt quite so serendipitously daunting and bitter. You leave me with a hollow feeling and a sour taste in my mouth. I won’t be missing you at all.
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